More Than Just Tea

In our business world that often pits women against each other, a woman’s past is a locked vault, and letting other women in feels like surrender.  However, we have achieved one thing that many have said is impossible. There is an indisputable alliance of devotion and respect among the employees at My Cup of Tea.  

 Our internal workforce, and the cohesive bond that maintains it, has been reverently pieced together like a rich mosaic of fragile tiles. Résumés of work experience are not required because living in Orange Mound is the only condition necessary for a woman to apply for work at My Cup of Tea.  Invariably, each fresh applicant arrives for consideration “emotionally buttoned up” and disinclined to share her past, her present, her pain, and much less her privacy. She keeps that information classified.

There is a generational mandate familiar to each. It is a legacy of silence passed from mother to daughter: guard your private life. Privacy neglected opens wounds for infection!  Pride is the bandage that belies the need for attention. “Nothing to see here,” she lies. “I’m fine."

Connection takes courage. At The House in Orange Mound, the superficial film of pride must be gingerly wiped away, just as dust is cleared from a neglected masterpiece. Transparency is tentative, and prayer is awkward at first.  But in time, we carefully uncover the intricate beauty of each woman through friendship, prayer, and service.  Cracks in our mosaic are common daily, but the patina never dulls. Answers to prayers for help are in our daily conversations.  We experience the joys of small victories in the inevitable challenges that are amplified in poverty.  Vulnerability is a virtue here.

Housing needs, transportation, costly utilities, childcare, debt, and healthcare are always on our prayer list.  But a new need has become a significant bother. Two of the veteran ladies are approaching retirement.

                Since a busy holiday shopping season is upon us, I have asked the Lord to send us three women to whom we can offer work, hope, and stability. I requested young ones who can scale our stairs and stock our shelves. My prayer included women eager to build our brand and our mission. I appealed quite vehemently to bring them quickly so we can teach them about tea and our purpose, and assign them work duties as December won’t wait.

 My prayer was on “rinse and repeat.”  Several weeks ago, the Lord gave me further instructions. Details commenced in a homily on Luke 5:1-11, offered by Dr. Carlos Campo, CEO of the Museum of the Bible.  I identified with Peter, who was exhausted and defeated after a whole night of fishing and empty nets. His market depended on a fresh catch. “They have changed their feeding patterns and moved to the shallows,” Peter perhaps thought.

Dr. Campo emphasized the Lord’s words: “Throw your net into deeper waters.”

Peter’s reply to Jesus’s suggestion to fish in deeper waters would be like mine.  He said, “I fished all night.”

 I would say, “I’ve looked for days; perhaps it’s the down cycle of the economy, or they have moved to Binghampton”.

 “Put your nets into deeper waters”.

Peter obeyed and went into deep waters.

I obeyed and commissioned a gossamer web of prayer, which unfurled into uncharted and shadowed spaces in Orange Mound. In floated three new women. 

Though healthy, eager, and young, all three are unmistakably “fish out of water.” The Lord fully answered my prayer and brought them to our shore at the corner of Semmes and Carnes.

                 All are interns now, and were recently onboarded, uniformed, and welcomed into our circle of trust. One has felony charges, a history of drug addiction, and has lived on the streets for most of the past fifteen years.  She is brilliant and enthusiastic. The other has been accused of armed robbery in nine separate events and is on probation for six years and reports to her parole officer weekly.  She is humble, grateful, and eager to please. The third is artistic, a college graduate, and adheres to a non-Christian faith tradition. 

These young ladies are the latest “catch.” We cast into deeper waters to discover exactly whom Jesus had drawn to expand our mosaic. They will enrich it with jewel-like tones while we offer a safe, welcoming, secure sanctuary for fellowship, work, and faith. They will become part of the mosaic of broken tiles the Master has designed from eternity past at 3028 Carnes. All we do in The House transcends the sum of its parts, including a solid salary and a spot of esteemed tea.

As we near the Thanksgiving holiday, it is customary for writers and editors of publications and blogs like this one to draft missives about gratitude, blessings, family, and the like. No doubt, we have much to be grateful for at My Cup of Tea, as an organization and individually. However, despite the focus inherent in the name of the holiday, there is more to Thanksgiving than meets the eye.

President Abraham Lincoln designated Thanksgiving as a national holiday in 1863 at the height of the Civil War. The recognition of the holiday on a national basis was the culmination of a seventeen-year effort by writer Sarah Josepha Hale, who wrote multiple presidents about the day only celebrated between October and January in New England states.

Lincoln was known for writing most of his speeches and proclamations, but for one reason or another, Secretary of State William Seward drafted the language of the Thanksgiving Day proclamation. Seward acknowledged the “blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies.” He gave praise to the “ever watchful providence of Almighty God.”

Seward then turned to the war and the victories in battle, the peace maintained with other nations, and the expansion of the territory of the United States. He thanked God for the economy and that in spite (or because of) the war, citizens of varying vocations had work to do.

Lincoln/Seward then said:

“No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.”

The proclamation could have ended there with a call to celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday of November every year. However, whether at Lincoln’s urging or Seward’s own conscience, the proclamation continues with:

“…commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged…”

Of course, the reference, which is made clear in subsequent lines, is to the Civil War and the vast loss of life that was occurring. Yet, the petition to God for the marginalized is just as relevant today.

Memphis has the second-highest poverty rate and the highest child poverty rate in the nation. While there have been seven straight quarters of decline, crime in our community, especially violent crime, is still a heavy burden on the poor and racial minorities. In 2024, the 38114 zip code, which covers most of Orange Mound, was tied for the most homicides.

We have reported to you before that the ladies of My Cup of Tea are not unscathed by this epidemic. Some have lost children and grandchildren to violence and drugs, and everyone knows someone who has died from gunfire.

We have shared about the pervasiveness of domestic violence, the crisis of affordable housing, and the many in our community who are unhoused or struggling with mental illness.

These are not only the problems of Memphis, but of every city in America.

To be clear, the point of Lincoln including prayers for those affected by the war in the proclamation was not about guilt or ruining a good time—neither is our recounting the struggles so many face in our community. Instead, Lincoln was calling for compassion and obedience to the Scripture when it calls on us to care for the poor, the widow, and the orphan.

As you sit down with family or friends this Thanksgiving, most certainly offer up prayers and supplications for all that God has done in your life. Celebrate good news, remember good times with those who are not there, and create new memories. Whether with your loved ones or alone during this holiday weekend, we encourage you to take a few minutes to pray for the poor, the widow, the orphan, and the suffering. As Lincoln said:

“…fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation…”

We are grateful for each one of you and wish you and those you love the happiest of Thanksgivings.

            This week, God, by His providence, brought me into a place most people have purposed to avoid.  I sat among a family whose loved one had been killed by her boyfriend, the father of their three children.  It happened in June of 2023.

Though strangers, we became united in our resolve to see justice.   We met, wept, and prayed on the sixth floor in Courtroom Five at the Walter L. Bailey Criminal Justice Center, better known as the Shelby County Jail at 201 Poplar.

I am reminded by Oswald Chambers in his devotional, My Utmost for His Highest,

“All your circumstances are in the hands of God, and therefore, you don’t ever have to think they are unnatural or unique.  God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose”.

My purpose? I was a participant in the trial this week because My Cup of Tea’s cameras captured ninety-five percent of the deadly deed. The murder scene was in clear view next door.  I was at The House when the guns reported 6 shots. I met the investigators and nine of the Memphis Police Department officers that day. We served all of them tea as the crime tape was strewn on our neighbors’ front yard among the crowd of curious.

Until this week, I knew nothing of the victim, the perpetrator, their connection to each other or the depth of character of her devoted family.  I had never met the two district attorneys, nor the presiding judge for the trial.  They absorbed my time and my thoughts for five long days and sleepless nights. Now, they are embedded in my emotionally charged view of domestic violence. 

The victim had been entangled with her boyfriend for ten years. An unhealthy attachment had formed through the cycle of abuse. Most likely, complex psychological, practical, and social layers cemented her isolation away from support systems, family, and friends who could help.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that an average of 24 people per minute are assaulted physically or sexually or stalked by an intimate partner. That’s 12 million people per year, 4 out of 5 are women. Memphis and Shelby County account for nearly 17,000 of those cases. One in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner. In the 20 cities with the highest incidences of aggravated domestic violence, 29% to 53% of cases go unreported. It is nearly certain that each of us knows someone.

The boyfriend was convicted Friday, and he will spend the rest of his life in jail without parole.  We beg the question, “Why didn’t she just leave?” Tragically, that question places the burden on the victim. A better question is why the abuser chooses to be violent, and what are the barriers that make leaving him so difficult?  I work among women who have the answers to the first question.

 Among the women currently employed at My Cup of Tea, nine are survivors of domestic violence.  The disruptive details of the murder case have profoundly deepened my understanding of how courageous those nine women truly are. I am celebrating their strength and resilience and am even more committed to supporting their progress in healing and empowerment.  Each has stepped away from the endemic dead end of relationships that destroy. Specifically:

·         Acute poverty is often the outcome of women who have lived to change their partnership with violent abusers.

·         Dependence on government assistance becomes necessary and deflating.

·          Fear of losing custody of children because of mental health and depression shrinks her stamina.

·         The stigma and stress of single parenting devalue her reputation among two-parent families.

·          She must ignore the immense cultural pressures to keep the family together.

There are many more.

My preoccupation with offering dignity to our employees has overlooked the dignity they have already achieved by choosing to leave behind the corrosive past and bravely venture into the unknown. It has taken immense courage to turn away from and boldly pray for new possibilities. Each step toward the uncharted providentially brought them to the embrace of My Cup of Tea in Orange Mound. Each is a testament in truth of resilience and hope.

What I once thought we might offer in dignified work and community is far less valued than the safety and protection we command in their behalf.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available. You are not alone. 

•  National Domestic Violence Hotline (US & Canada): 1-800-799-7233  www.thehotline.org
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV): www.ncadv.org
• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-4673 www.rainn.org

In Memphis/Shelby County:

• ·   Crime Victims and Rape Crisis Center        901-222-3950