More Than Just Tea

Over the weekend, multiple fights in downtown Memphis were documented by amateur videographers with mobile phones, who then posted their recordings to social media. While videos like these rarely tell the entire story, they provide varying angles and perspectives that allow law enforcement and us to piece together the events.

These altercations precipitated foot chases by police and members of the National Guard, who have been essentially camped out in downtown Memphis since October of last year as a part of the Memphis Safe Task Force. In one tragic incident on Sunday morning, a 20-year-old man allegedly pointed a weapon at pursuing guardsmen, who then opened fire and killed the suspect. The shooting is being investigated by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation at the request of District Attorney General Steve Mulroy, which is protocol in an officer-involved shooting.

While crime in Memphis is down over 40% compared to the same point last year, volatile and violent events are still commonplace. This latest incident compelled a teacher on Facebook to conclude, after watching numerous videos of the fights, that these occurrences are rooted in trauma. After fifteen years of serving women in Orange Mound, our experience leads us to believe this teacher may be correct.

We have talked about the trauma virtually every woman we have served has experienced in her life. The traumas are not all the same types of incidents, and not everyone responds to traumas in the same. However, anger and violence, like we regularly see in Memphis, are not uncommon responses for people impacted by traumatic events. It is essential to say that trauma is not an excuse, but it is a reason.

Studies show that Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is more common among residents of high-crime neighborhoods than among veterans of the twenty-year Afghanistan War. While most crime victims do not become perpetrators themselves, most perpetrators have been victims of crime.

What is also true is that, according to The University of Memphis, “Memphis Poverty Fact Sheet,” the percentage of children under the age of 18 living in poverty is 32.7%. The Annie E. Casey Foundation’s Kids Count Data Center shows that there is a high concentration of children living in poverty who are also living in high-crime neighborhoods.

Science tells us that 90-95 percent of a child’s brain development happens between the ages of birth and 5 years old. A study conducted in Shelby County more than a decade ago through phone interviews with adults from all walks of life concluded that more than half had experienced an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) as defined by the Centers for Disease Control. More than 1 out of every 5 had experienced 3 or more.

In short, generation after generation of Memphians is growing up impacted by severe trauma and lacking the resources to cope and heal.

Scripture and prayer are keys to helping the ladies at My Cup of Tea heal from their traumas, but so are counseling and exercises like the Kintsugi activity about which we have posted and written. Equally important, we’ve learned, are grace, patience, and time.

Trauma can happen in an instant with a single event or be compounded by exposure after exposure, but healing is never quick, no matter how sudden the trauma may have been. Many of the foundations and organizations from which we seek financial support ask for a timeline for the completion of our “project” and for measurable outcomes. Most require reports or updates of some kind at six-month or one-year intervals. Accountability is important, especially when these organizations are striving to be good stewards of the funds allocated for charitable work, but healing cannot be rushed and is often built on second and third chances, exasperation, and despair.

Addressing individual trauma in either a direct or ancillary manner was never on our “Bingo card” when we began this work in Orange Mound. We wanted to provide a job, a steady income, and an opportunity to build cross-cultural relationships. Perhaps we were naïve to think that wading into another’s “muck” would not be a part of this ministry. Wading into the “muck” is critical because it affects a person’s ability to care for themselves and others, hold on to a job, and aspire to something better than what she has always known.

Honestly, not one of us is “muck-less,” and yet Scripture tells us God is gracious (Romans 3: 23-24), merciful (Lamentations 3:22), and patient (2 Peter 3:9). So, as God provides, and through your support, we will continue to do our small part to heal our community’s trauma.

On the calendar, we are sandwiched between Father’s Day and the 250th anniversary of the founding of our nation. We recently celebrated the men who assumed the roles of family leaders, protectors, providers, and caretakers, whether they are related by biology. Soon, we will further laud the men who shouldered those responsibilities for our nation – our Founding Fathers.

The term “Founding Fathers” was coined by Warren G. Harding in a speech to the Republican National Convention in 1916. Harding later used the term in a speech in 1921 and became the first President to refer to the men who led the establishment of America as “Founding Fathers.” Since then, the title has become an indelible part of the nation’s vocabulary.

There is much debate among historians and scholars about which men of the era qualify as Founding Fathers, not to mention the omission of women who were instrumental in forming the republic. One name that earns universal agreement of inclusion in that austere list is George Washington – General of the Continental Army, presiding officer of the Second Continental Congress, and the first President of the United States.

Washington is the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time, to quote the kids) of the Founding Fathers. Yet, ironically, Washington had no biological children of his own.

When Washington met and married Martha Dandridge Custis, the eventual First Lady, she was a widow with two children. Martha had been married to Daniel Parke Custis, a wealthy and politically connected Virginia plantation owner. Daniel Parke Custis was 37 years old when he met 16-year-old Martha Dandridge. They married when Martha was 18 and had four children; two died very young.

The law of the day required Washington to become the legal guardian of Martha’s minor children John “Jacky” Custis and Martha “Patsy” Custis. The law, however, did not, nor could it, dictate the kind of stepfather Washington should be.

Historians agree that Washington doted on his stepdaughter Patsy, who began showing signs of epilepsy at age 6. He personally sought out remedies and medical care for Patsy and attended to all her needs until she died at age 17.

His relationship with Jacky was more strained. Jacky has been described as lazy, lacking in a desire to learn, and indulged by his mother. Washington sent him to boarding school and later arranged for him to attend King's College, now Columbia University. Jacky eventually dropped out of college and married. He died in his twenties, leaving a widow and 4 children. George and Martha informally adopted Jacky’s two youngest children and raised them as their own.

According to writer and historian Ron Chernow, in his biography, Washington: A Life, Jacky acknowledged Washington’s love for him in a letter prior to his passing. He wrote,

“It pleased the Almighty to deprive me at a very early period of life of my father, but I cannot sufficiently adore His goodness in sending me so good a guardian as you, Sir. Few have experienced such care and attention from real parents as I have done. He best deserves the name of father who acts the part of one.” [Emphasis added]

It is difficult not to be struck by the parallel of Washington’s assumption of the role of stepfather and his ascension to his roles in the founding of America.

Washington was nominated to serve as General and Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army by John Adams. He wrote to Martha,

“…I assure you, in the most solemn manner, that, so far from seeking this appointment I have used every endeavor in my power to avoid it, not only from my unwillingness to part with you and the Family, but from a consciousness of its being a trust too great for my Capacity…”

Just as becoming the stepfather of Jacky and Patsy was a necessary part of marrying Martha, becoming General of the Continental Army was essential to secure liberty and independence. The same was true of Washington becoming the first President. Washington wrote to Henry Knox,

"My movements to the chair of Government will be accompanied by feelings not unlike those of a culprit who is going to the place of his execution."

Of course, we know that Washington accepted the position of President and served two terms before stepping down.

What Washington taught us as a stepfather, general, and President is that reluctance, anxiety, lack of self-confidence, or fear of failure are not excuses for avoiding one’s duty. That is true in families, communities, and nations. It is true in Orange Mound, too.

The founding mothers and fathers of Orange Mound have long since passed from this life. Many of the generations who came after them left the neighborhood. Those still here, like the My Cup of Tea ladies, are in a fight for economic liberty, freedom from violence, and the pursuit of happiness.

They need our help.

Buying a box of our limited-edition Libertea; making a one-time or monthly donation; hosting a tea party; volunteering to bring lunch; or hiring a My Cup of Tea lady to work at your business are a few of the ways to revitalize Orange Mound and impact the lives of the My Cup of Tea ladies.

Stepfather (or mother) or general, pray about how you can stand in the gap for Orange Mound and the ladies of My Cup of Tea.

GenXers will remember the peak of John Mellencamp’s music career in the early 1980s. In 1983, Mellencamp wrote and released what has become a classic American anthem called “Pink Houses.” The song rose to number 8 on the Billboard Hot100 chart and became a beloved Heartland Rock song played at political rallies by both Democrats and Republicans.

The song was inspired by a trip on I-65 through Indianapolis. Mellencamp passed by a Black man sitting on the front porch of his pink house. He was holding a black cat and watching the traffic whiz by his front yard. The first verse recalls those brief seconds:

There’s a Black man with a black cat

Living in a Black neighborhood

He’s got an interstate running through his front yard

Ya, know he thinks he’s got it so good.

When the song reaches the chorus, Mellencamp belts out the peppy lines:

But ain’t that America for you and me

Ain’t that America

Something to see, baby

Ain’t that America

Home of the free

Little pink houses for you and me

Except, the words are sarcastic and cynical. Mellencamp is saying that the American Dream is inaccessible to the poor and the working man. We’re told that we all can obtain our metaphorical “pink house,” but so many fail to realize it.

Orange Mound was once an example of the American Dream, as we have told you in the past. It is the oldest community in the nation built by and for African Americans. The first landowners and homeowners in Orange Mound were only a generation or less removed from slavery. The community thrived despite Jim Crow and segregation. African Americans owned thriving businesses, and many achieved middle income.

One hundred thirty-six years later, Orange Mound is not the same. Few would describe it as their American Dream. The decline began in earnest in the 1980s and 1990s with drugs, gangs, and a loss of good-paying jobs – about the time Mellencamp released his classic. However, there were and are many communities in Memphis and around the country which have never achieved the success Orange Mound once did.

Is it possible for Orange Mound to be a beacon of the American Dream again?

We believe it is.

Whatever one believes about American Exceptionalism, a much-debated topic today, it is undeniable that our nation’s people across generations exude resilience. As a nation, we not only survived the darkest days in our history—the Civil War—we became better for it. We fought World War I, which was supposed to be the war to end all wars, and lost 116,000 soldiers. We survived the Great Depression and fought World War II, losing 419,000 Americans. Vietnam and the fight for civil rights deeply divided our country even beyond the profound polarization we see today. We overcame these challenges, and in many cases, thrived beyond them.

We have seen American resilience in the lives and actions of the My Cup of Tea ladies over the last decade and a half. We also see it in many of our neighbors who joined Neighborhood Watch, support the community’s anchor, Melrose High, maintain their properties, and demonstrate “staying power” when others tell them it is time to leave. We see resilience in our many community partners, some who have been in the community longer than us – partners like Neighborhood Christian Center, RedZone Ministries, Christ Community Health, JUICE Orange Mound, and more.

July 4^th this year is the semiquincentennial (250th anniversary) of the founding of America. Some of our fellow Americans are not in the mood to celebrate because for many times are hard right now. But we can all be grateful for one of the defining characteristics of Americans – resilience.

To mark the occasion, we issue a limited-edition tea that we call Libertea. On the front of the box, we feature six very different, consequential women of the American Revolution whose resilience is on full display in their stories. Martha Washington spent time in the camps of the soldiers, treating their wounds. Abigail Adams was a fierce abolitionist and counseled her husband on matters of policy. Esther Reed wrote political essays at a time when women didn’t and urged citizens to sacrifice financially for the troops. Elizabeth “Mum Bett” Freeman took liberty seriously and was the first African American woman to successfully file a lawsuit for her freedom. Deborah Samson believed in the promise of our nation so much that she disguised herself as a man and fought in the Continental Army. Phyllis Wheatley published the first book of poems by an African American and rallied colonists with her themes of freedom for all.

Like the women featured on our commemorative box, some of the paths to our American Dream will be fraught with obstacles and disappointments. Getting there will be harder than it should be, but it’s not impossible; and the journey is worth the final destination.

At My Cup of Tea, we continue to pray that our gray house with the maroon shutters will be a portal for Orange Mound women to realize their “pink houses.”